Tuesday 5 August 2014

Relationships: Forsaking is Protecting

Courtesy of Leland Francisco


Do you recall your wedding vows?  Close your eyes and think of your beloved's face as you promised:

"I,______________, do solemnly promise to take, _________________, in holy matrimony.  I promise to love, comfort, honor and keep him for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do we part.  I will forsake all others, being faithful to him as long as we both shall live, so help me God."

When I made my promise, I remember vowing to forsake all others and thinking that it referred to sexual fidelity.  As I grew in my marriage, I realized that while sexual fidelity is of great importance, general fidelity is equally essential.

Let's look at a couple of definitions:

FIDEL'ITY, n. [L. fidelitas, from fides, faith, fido, to trust. See Faith.]
1. Faithfulness; careful and exact observance of duty, or performance of obligations. We expect fidelity in a public minister, in an agent or trustee, in a domestic servant, in a friend.
The best security for the fidelity of men, is to make interest coincide with duty.
2. Firm adherence to a person or party with which one is united, or to which one is bound; loyalty; as the fidelity of subjects to their king or government; the fidelity of a tenant or liege to his lord.
3. Observance of the marriage covenant; as the fidelity of a husband or wife.
4. Honesty; veracity; adherence to truth; as the fidelity of a witness.~Websters 1828 Dictionary
The enemy is rather cunning.  You will find, dear daughter, that potential intruders in a marriage can be a best friend, a volunteer opportunity, a job offer, a church event, or another man.  It is anything or anyone, that requires you to place your marriage in a lower priority than it deserves. Most of these things, all by themselves are good things, but we must ask ourselves:

How does this interest, event, opportunity or person coincide with my duty as a wife?
How might these things challenge my marriage?
Am I being loyal to my husband in this decision, in this friendship, in this opportunity?
Do I believe this is God's best for us? 
What is my motivation in this situation?
What does my husband think?
Am I being honest with myself and my husband?

Synonyms for infidelity include disloyalty, faithlessness, falseness, inconstancy, and unbelief.  

Antonyms for infidelity include loyalty, faithfulness, truth, constancy, allegiance and belief.

So what does it mean to forsake all others?

FORSA'KE, verb transitive preterit tense forsook; participle passive forsaken.
1. To quit or leave entirely; to desert; to abandon; to depart from. Friends and flatterers forsake us in adversity.
Forsake the foolish, and live. Proverbs 9:6.
2. To abandon; to renounce; to reject.
If his children forsake my law, and walk not in my judgments - Psalms 89:30.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath. Psalms 37:8.
3. To leave; to withdraw from; to fail. In anger, the color forsakes the cheeks. In severe trials, let not fortitude forsake you.
4. In scripture, God forsakes his people, when he withdraws his aid, or the light of his countenance. ~Websters 1828 Dictionary
Synonyms for forsake include renounce, relinquish, leave, disown.

Antonyms for forsake include allow, approve, continue, keep, hold, revert.

To forsake those that may intrude in your marriage is to say, "no."  It is a boundary that helps you protect your union - your oneness.  The act of forsaking is difficult.  It is hard work to say, "no." It requires self-discipline and most certainly self-sacrifice.  Like Christ, we must be willing to lay down our lives for the good of another. 

Marital love requires a high degree of commitment, time, and emotional safety in order to grow and thrive as God designed. Daughter, are you building and maintaining that high degree of safety in your marriage by observing boundaries?  Are you asking yourself the hard questions?  Are you forsaking all others?   

Young friend, start today.  It is never too late.  Look to the Lord Jesus to show you the road to faithfulness.


“And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer will you call me ‘My Baal.’ For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. And I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sword, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety. And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy.  I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord." ~Hosea 2:17-20


Blessings,




Yvonne Ferlita has been married for nearly twenty-five years and is mother to four children ages 22, 20, 16 and 11 years old. She is a follower of Jesus and gratefully relies on His grace. Having overcome perfectionism, she has embraced the imperfect excellence found in the ordinary life God has given her. Yvonne has homeschooled her children since 1998 and has helped them enjoy their unique gifts, while overcoming various learning and life challenges. Her therapy is writing, crocheting, swimming and laughing. She and her family reside in Brandon, Florida surrounded by four orphaned cats and a lovely, but bossy, labrador retriever. She blogs to encourage at Not Perfect - Just Ordinary.





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